well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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