She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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