This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize