She is in my trunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize