She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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