Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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