When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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