well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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