Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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