I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My feet surprised me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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