Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize