did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was so not down for the gang bang
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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