So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize