apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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