My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize