i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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