I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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