doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want a musical about memes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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