Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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