She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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