Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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(806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8

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(469): View more from Texas

HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...

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(469): HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers... http://tfl.nu/21iq

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(574): View more from Indiana

I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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(574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself. http://tfl.nu/2lez

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(619): View more from California

went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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(619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno

Replies (27) Good night (7770) Bad night (1063)
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(503): View more from Oregon

You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??

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(503): You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!?? http://tfl.nu/qs7s

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

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(215): I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/l0um

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(289): View more from Ontario

The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

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(289): The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight. http://tfl.nu/z22w

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(269): View more from Michigan

Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"

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(269): Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision" http://tfl.nu/cg26

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.

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(201): Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom. http://tfl.nu/isil

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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(856): Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion http://tfl.nu/nnpe

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??

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(908): I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off?? http://tfl.nu/r74o

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(469): View more from Texas

I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!

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(469): I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida! http://tfl.nu/oplt

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(+66): View more from Thailand

Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.

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(+66): Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees. http://tfl.nu/3h4e

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.

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(262): Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI. http://tfl.nu/aihj

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(693): View more from

You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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(693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop

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