I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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