I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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