I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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