She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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