Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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