; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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