Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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