In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize