Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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