Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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