When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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