OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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