Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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