I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize