Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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