K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize