He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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