I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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