i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize