they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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