There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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