I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize