I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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