Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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