oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize