I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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