I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize