He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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