About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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